五月四日１０：５０
out of the house today and it's morning time. with my cig intake, you would think i'd be pushed to leave the house. i guess it doesn't work unless i'm really smoking. but no cigs yesterday. had a lil pouch this morning but it's hardly a difference. i'm at activitea w ベビさん, いいね。just happy to have gotten some sun today.
五月三日２３：４９
i ate noodles like an hour or two ago. I was supposed to be in bed by then. it's happened and i've been sticking around 80kg for a long time. straight up months. i know the changes that need to be made. i think i wanted to come here an bitch. but honestly it's my own doing. and i'll end up doing good when i decide to do good. but i'm choosing to dick around because it's easy to do when i feel like i have an excuse to do it. i'm broke and everything so maybe i'm taking revenge on god or the world or something. maybe on sh fjc.
speaking of sh fjc, i haven't been praying in awhile. i told myself i'd do it whether or not i had wudu, whether or not i was even standing up. at one point i'd pray lying down, but it was still a prayer. i'm making a written formal intention to get back to my prayers. i'll even pray isha before bed.
五月三日
latelyね, I haven't been able to keep up with things i liked doing.
yk now that I list it out there's still tons of stuff I can do for fun. forest preserves are free for running and walking around. i can make videos like i always wanted to. i can work out and stuff. plus i'm making a website in html so that's p fun too. maybe it ain't so bad lol.
okay here's the things i can still do
i started writing this to complain about what wasn't going right but honestly i think i'm chillin. i probably just need to get some exercise and clean my room a bit and i'll feel better, it's not bc of a lack of availability of hobbies. it's bc i'm not doing any of them.